Midnight Encounter
by L Miss Sunshine
Summary: Erin is suffering from panic attacks and her only way of dealing with it is to be with Holtzmann.


Midnight encounter 

So I have watched the new Ghostbusters movie and fell immediately in love with Kate McKinnon (as so many others out there too...). Holtzmann is the glorious weirdo we didn't know we needed, so lets just celebrate this wonderful character by writing hundreds of fanfiction :)

Also I thought, one does not simply jump into a hole and face death without even having a tiny bit of post traumatic stress, so, this is my take on how Erin is trying to face the consequences of the events of the movie.

As in all of my other stories, I want to inform you that English is not my first language, so if you find any errors, be kind and tell me :)

Another thing on a personal note: I noticed that a lot of people that are reading my stories come from the USA. You folks over there, keep on loving and respecting each other, those four years will go by and it's on you to make America great with all the love and respect for any sorts of mankind you can put out there!

And now, have some GAY fun :D

* * *

The nights grew heavy on her. She never told the girls about those panic attacks that she luckily had been able to hide. Ever since she jumped through that hole, life felt so different. Food tasted different, light was so much brighter and darkness was much more threatening. When she was with them, working, living, talking as she used to, those attacks where unlikely to kick in. Being alone in the dark was what triggered her. But tonight she wouldn't be alone. She knew Holtzmann was there and she knew Holtzmann had been watching her. Whenever she grew out of breath while being in the firehouse, Holtzmann would notice. Never had she met a person that is so observing, so sensitive to her surroundings and at the same time so understanding without saying a word. Erin felt at ease with her and secretly she'd been craving to be in her arms. The blonde's subtle flirting had been driving her. It was the only thing that made her feel truly alive and she needed that now. She needed it more than anything else.

Her feet kept walking, even though her head was dizzy of tiredness. Sleep had been so hard to achieve, she literally felt the weakness in her bones with every step she took.

She saw lit up windows at the second floor. Holtzmann was awake, probably still working. She lightly shook her head and a smile crept on her lips. That woman was a mystery. One that kept her driving.

She made sure to open and close the front door as silently as possible, just in case the engineer had been falling asleep in the lab. She didn't dare to fully put the lights on and instead walked through the darkened place she grew to know as good as her own flat over the past few weeks. Silence hit her and she felt her pupils grew wide in the dark. A familiar pounding in her chest rose and her breath got caught. Panic. And she'd been so close to her. She sank on the floor, choking and breaking out in cold sweat. Then, the lights went on and she heard footsteps.

"Erin!" she heard Holtzmann cry out, her cold hands grabbing hers. "Breathe into your hands. You're save with me Erin. I'm here... I've got you."

Her voice soothed her in a way she didn't know was possible. She kept on choking, but slowly, steadily calming down. Holtzmann sensed it and her hands ran through her hair, gently stroking her sweaty cheek and chin, whispering soothing words. Her forehead landed on the blonde's shoulder and she felt soft and warm arms around her. She was so exhausted, she couldn't move.

"Erin... I'm glad you came here..." she whispered, gently stroking her back. She'd never felt more secure.

"I'm sorry..." she choked out.

"I should be sorry my hands are full of grease... but I have to admit, it suits you somehow." she answered with her usual witty tone that made it impossible to know if she was to take seriously.

Erin suddenly found herself snorting with a short laughter.

"You covered my face in grease?" she asked raising her own hand to her cheek, feeling nothing but sweaty skin. Knowing that Holtzmann had attempted to take out the tension with that joke, she leaned back again into her shoulder with a smile in her face.

They stayed like that for a moment, simply enjoying the presence of the other. Erin felt the engineer's hands slightly wander around her back, drawing circles and stroking up to her neck.

"I'm sweaty..." Erin whispered, insecurity kicking in when Holtzmann's soft Fingertips came in contact with the sweaty skin in her neck. She shifted away a little but seeing the look of devotion in the blonde's eyes, she hesitated.

"Shut up I'm trying to comfort you. Get back here." she said, softly pulling Erin to her by the neck. For a second there, Erin thought she attempted to bring her head to hers to kiss her and her heart skipped a beat.  
"That's really sweet Holtzmann. But... I'm okay now." she backed away before she could realize she had actually wanted it. Being in her arms simply wasn't enough anymore. But she was already on her feet by the time that thought became a conscious one. And maybe, just maybe she just had wanted to pull her head back to her shoulder instead of kissing her.

"Okay. But you're staying for the night. I let you sleep on Ursula." Holtzmann said with a wink after standing up.

"Ursula?"

"My Couch. Ursula. Come on, you know about her." She answered with a serious tone that was all Holtzmann. She could say the most hilarious things and really mean it. Ursula. What a name for a couch.

"You know... you really are the only person I know that gives names to furniture." Erin said, following the engineer to the lab.

"Not just furniture Erin." Holtzmann chuckled, handing her a cup of tea. "Teapot got cold, I hope it's ok..."

"That's wonderful thanks..."

"You like cold tea?"

"I like tea in general."

"Nice."

And then there was the silence. Holtzmann kept on fumbling on the machine she had been working on and Erin helplessly sipped on her tea.

Holtzmann's eyes stayed on the machine when she finally raised her voice again.

"It's totally normal you know? What you're going through. Don't be ashamed."

Erin felt her heart clench. Of course she wouldn't just drop it and deep down she knew she didn't came here to drop it either. She wanted to face it and she knew she couldn't do it alone.

"I'm not ashamed."

"Nonsense... Shame is all around you... it's in the way your shoulders sink when you look at me like that. I may not be a specialist when it comes to social interaction but I do get some things Erin. You're strong. Be proud you've got here. Be proud you let me in."

Erin shook with tears. Finally. She hadn't been able to cry. The tears fell from her face until she couldn't see properly anymore. Holtzmann's blurry silhouette came over to her.

"See, that wasn't so hard, was it" her hands came up to Erin's cheeks to stroke the tears away. "You look even more beautiful when you're crying..." she whispered obliviously.

Erin blinked the tears away and reached for Holtzmann's face. A sudden look of surprise was the last thing she saw when she kissed her, mouth wet and salty, lips shaking. She felt Holtzmann's breath on her face when she relaxed into the kiss. Hands wandered into hair and onto waists, grabbing at the fabric of a green, old jumpsuit. Erin held on to her as if she was to drown.

Holtzmann was the first to pull away. She slowly took her hands out of Erin's hair and took a step back, eyes on the ground.

Silence fell between them. Their breaths were heavy, Erin's hands were shaking when she wiped the rest of the tears away.

"Sorry... I... I don't know what came over me." Erin breathlessly said.  
"No one should apologize for a kiss..."

"What you said... I don't think I ever heard you say so many words in a row, except for that speech you gave about us being your family..."

"Would you rather like me talking more?" Holtzmann asked and her tone was filled with an insecurity Erin never expected to witness.

"You're not just family. You're more than that. You're the only person I was able to share that with, even though it was Abby who was with me in that hole. I..." she struggled with the words, searching for the right explanation. "I... need... to be with you. You keep me breathing, Jillian. Please let me be with you."

"I told you, you can stay here... take Ursula. I'm not going away."

"I know... I meant... I mean I want to be with you."

"I'm here Erin."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes I am, where should I go now instead? I live here!"

"Holtzmann?!"

"Erin?"

"You don't get it, do you?"

"What?"

"I NEED YOU".

"To what?"

Erin stood in disbelief. It took another two seconds for her to realize.

"You're making fun of me..."

"Why, what makes you think that way?" Her hands came to her chin in a thoughtful pose. By now Erin could see the amusement in the twinkle of her eye.

She broke into a sweet smile and shook her head. The engineer's laugh filled the room and she sat on the table behind her. Her smile was intoxicating, irresistible. Erin fell in love with her dimples a long time ago, but this time she finally had the chance to kiss them. She went over to Holtzmann's waiting arms and put a small kiss on the engineer's cheek, then one at the corner of her mouth and finally one on the lips.

"I'm glad you came here tonight." Holtzmann whispered against her lips.

"You already said that."

"And now I mean it for an other reason."

They rest their foreheads together, breathing in the other. Erin was at ease. Finally.

"Why don't we take this to Ursula... I could use a bit of sleep." she said, barely oppressing a yawn.

"I agree on that".


End file.
